Question:
Dear Angela: Since you seem to indicate that you have at least a normal libido, are not on meds, bud can’t have orgasms; the first thing to try is reaching climax through masturbation. (If you are not familiar with the techniques required to achieve orgasm that way, there are many books on the subject, including "The Joy of Sex".) If that fails after a reasonable trial, you need to see an MD specializing in sexual problems. If you succeed at bringing yourself to orgasm, next time you are with a partner, try doing what worked when you were alone, only this time, in hir presence; let hir watch as closely as possible. If you fail at that, and everything else is equal, your problem is psychological and requires psychological counseling. If you succeed in masturbating yourself to climax in the presence of a partner, let hir do to you exactly what you did to yourself. Keep nicely suggesting modification of what ever (s)he is doing until it feels just right to you. If (s)he fails in bringing you to climax that way, again some talk therapy should help. If (s)he succeeds, incorporate that technique into your sex with hir in the future until you find you can climax through additional sexual activity. Then do as you and your lover prefer. Good luck. Peter
Response:
>angela, > You can’t have orgasms because you are depressed silly, not the >other way around. > Just chill for a while. > MJs
MJ This doesn’t seem to be a problem for you ,I suppose! I would like to Thank all the folks for their wonderful E-mails it has given me a new insight to something I am trying to deal with. I learned alot from all those that replied. Thanks again. Regards to all, Angela MJ you don’t know the scoop so bug off!
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Your post is certainly relevant to me–I’ve used sex as an >antidepressant before–it is potentially addictive in both phases for >me, mania and depression. I’m also one of those lucky few who turn into > sex maniacs when they are on SSRI antidepressants. I confess I don’t >know what the hell everybody in this group is talking about when they >talk about how antidepressants lower their sex drive–but I can >absolutely understand how it could happen. > I don’t follow this newsgroup regularly, so perhaps you are right that > people complain about sex drive, but the well documented side effect of > SSRI intidepressants isn’t a decrease in sex drive, it is loss of > ability to reach climax despite presence of desire. Speaking for myself, > I experienced the latter without a descrease in sex drive. > The interesting thing for me >is that my ability to have an orgasm does not seem to be particularly >related to the mood state engendering my sexual interest. I gotta say, >it’s pretty hard for me to climax in any state, but I’m not as depressed >about it as you are. ( I hope that’s not a sexual identity issue for >you, because if it is you’ll just get more and more depressed about it. > I can have loads of fun whether I climax or not–I know that’s a really >hard thing for most guys to understand because their plumbing enables >them to climax on a dime.) > I too can have loads of fun, and perhaps it is only because I am used to > being able to climax, but it _is_ frustrating not to be able to climax, > and both men _and_ women complain about it. That is, there are women who > may not be able to climax in intercourse, but do so easily via other > means, but can’t when on SSRIs. > BTW, by reports, some women feel rejected when their SOs can’t climax > during intercourse, so it can become a real issue even if the male isn’t > upset. And, of course, if an objective is conception, that adds another > dimension, though I would assume, artificial insemination is a > possibility. > The good news is that supposedly Serzone is much less likely to produce > this side effect. And then there are the drugs that supposedly cause > some people to come when they sneeze… 
> Rich
Uh, Rich…PLEASE name the drugs that cause people to come when they sneeze..I’d like to give ‘em a try.;) Ginger
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>> >I’m very very depressed because I can’t have >>> >orgasms. I’m not on any medication. >>> >My libido seems to be dying at age 32. >>> >I want sex all the time. >>> With respect, how does this relate to manic depression? Maybe there is a >>> group for sex therapy. >>Sexual dysfunction can be very much an aspect of manic-depressive >>illness, and a sometimes distressing aspect at that. Also, many of the >>medications used to treat MD illness can cause sexual dysfunction in >>themselves. I think the original post was arguably relevant to this >>group. >Angela is saying that she is not on any medication so the sexual >dysfunction >can not be caused by any medication used to treat MD. She also says that >she wants sex all the time. Thus, indicating that she may be suffering >from a >sexual addiction disorder. Hence, it stands to reason that this problem >may >not have anything to do with MD, and she would find more appropriate >support in a sexual therapy NG. >Bernie > I did not make it clear that when I do have sex it makes me feel > better, when I climax. When it is all over I go back to feeling > miserible, very sad at times and crying can’t look in the mirror > without feeling good about myself. My poor husband, I put him through > so much shit, I would never hold it against him if he were to leave > me. It’s been 15 yrs and he still beside me. I’m very lucky to have a > husband that cares so much. But is is hard for me to live day to day. > I also do areobic exrecise as a way to escape the negative > feelings. I have suffered from anorexia from time to time. > I’ll lose about 30lbs. at a time knowing that this will kill me, > also makes me feel that I have accomplished something. > I want to be happy but it just doesn’t happen. > By having sex most of the time makes my husband happy > and in return makes me feel I am needed. > When I climax the Endophins do the job that a medication > could mimick therefore I am in a state of well being for that > period of time. It would be the equivalent of getting High, > But I have not considered using illegal drugs. > Then for the times I can’t achieve climax it makes me feel > inadequate and I fall into the endless cycle. > I should have written this in my original post > but I was to upset at the moment and at a loss for words. > Angela
Your post is certainly relevant to me–I’ve used sex as an antidepressant before–it is potentially addictive in both phases for me, mania and depression. I’m also one of those lucky few who turn into sex maniacs when they are on SSRI antidepressants. I confess I don’t know what the hell everybody in this group is talking about when they talk about how antidepressants lower their sex drive–but I can absolutely understand how it could happen. The interesting thing for me is that my ability to have an orgasm does not seem to be particularly related to the mood state engendering my sexual interest. I gotta say, it’s pretty hard for me to climax in any state, but I’m not as depressed about it as you are. ( I hope that’s not a sexual identity issue for you, because if it is you’ll just get more and more depressed about it. I can have loads of fun whether I climax or not–I know that’s a really hard thing for most guys to understand because their plumbing enables them to climax on a dime.) And hey, it doesn’t sound as if you’ve done anything that horrible to your husband–why do you think that by all rights he should leave you? And I for one do not care if you have been "offically" labeled and md or not–if you’ve got alot of the same problems as people who post here, it seems okay to post here to me. And boy, people sure have posted stuff about the orgasm question before. Ginger
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>> >I’m very very depressed because I can’t have >>> >orgasms. I’m not on any medication. >>> >My libido seems to be dying at age 32. >>> >I want sex all the time. >>> With respect, how does this relate to manic depression? Maybe there is a >>> group for sex therapy. >>Sexual dysfunction can be very much an aspect of manic-depressive >>illness, and a sometimes distressing aspect at that. Also, many of the >>medications used to treat MD illness can cause sexual dysfunction in >>themselves. I think the original post was arguably relevant to this >>group. >Angela is saying that she is not on any medication so the sexual >dysfunction >can not be caused by any medication used to treat MD. She also says that >she wants sex all the time. Thus, indicating that she may be suffering >from a >sexual addiction disorder. Hence, it stands to reason that this problem >may >not have anything to do with MD, and she would find more appropriate >support in a sexual therapy NG. >Bernie >I did not make it clear that when I do have sex it makes me feel >better, when I climax. When it is all over I go back to feeling >miserible, very sad at times and crying can’t look in the mirror >without feeling good about myself. My poor husband, I put him through >so much shit, I would never hold it against him if he were to leave >me. It’s been 15 yrs and he still beside me. I’m very lucky to have a >husband that cares so much. But is is hard for me to live day to day. >I also do areobic exrecise as a way to escape the negative >feelings. I have suffered from anorexia from time to time. >I’ll lose about 30lbs. at a time knowing that this will kill me, >also makes me feel that I have accomplished something. >I want to be happy but it just doesn’t happen. >By having sex most of the time makes my husband happy >and in return makes me feel I am needed. >When I climax the Endophins do the job that a medication >could mimick therefore I am in a state of well being for that >period of time. It would be the equivalent of getting High, >But I have not considered using illegal drugs. >Then for the times I can’t achieve climax it makes me feel >inadequate and I fall into the endless cycle. >I should have written this in my original post >but I was to upset at the moment and at a loss for words. >Angela
Angela, It seems to me that you are using sex as a form of self medication for depression. Based on your postings, it is not working, and if that was the cure for clinical depression, there would be no reason to develop antidepressants, psychotherapy modalities, ECT treatments, etc. Why don’t you consult a competent psychiatrist to relieve you from this depression? Self medication with sex, dare devil activities, alcohol, food, lack of food, cocaine, etc. is not the way to treat a clinical (serious) depression or manic depression. The addictive substance or activity only brings another problem to the underlying depression or manic depression, and may exacerbate it. Bernie
Response:
Dear Angela; I saw your original post just now and responded to it. Had I seen all of the additional correspondence, I’d not have responded as I did. Almost everyone, men and women, fail to orgasm sometimes. In your case many of the failures are probably mood related. If you’re husband has been with you for fifteen years, it’s probably because he loves you. It’s very hard to believe that your failure to climax will affect his feelings for you – or about himself – in any major way. Relax. An orgasm’s not supposed to be work. Peter
Response:
>Your post is certainly relevant to me–I’ve used sex as an >antidepressant before–it is potentially addictive in both phases for >me, mania and depression. I’m also one of those lucky few who turn into > sex maniacs when they are on SSRI antidepressants. I confess I don’t >know what the hell everybody in this group is talking about when they >talk about how antidepressants lower their sex drive–but I can >absolutely understand how it could happen.
I don’t follow this newsgroup regularly, so perhaps you are right that people complain about sex drive, but the well documented side effect of SSRI intidepressants isn’t a decrease in sex drive, it is loss of ability to reach climax despite presence of desire. Speaking for myself, I experienced the latter without a descrease in sex drive. > The interesting thing for me >is that my ability to have an orgasm does not seem to be particularly >related to the mood state engendering my sexual interest. I gotta say, >it’s pretty hard for me to climax in any state, but I’m not as depressed >about it as you are. ( I hope that’s not a sexual identity issue for >you, because if it is you’ll just get more and more depressed about it. > I can have loads of fun whether I climax or not–I know that’s a really >hard thing for most guys to understand because their plumbing enables >them to climax on a dime.)
I too can have loads of fun, and perhaps it is only because I am used to being able to climax, but it _is_ frustrating not to be able to climax, and both men _and_ women complain about it. That is, there are women who may not be able to climax in intercourse, but do so easily via other means, but can’t when on SSRIs. BTW, by reports, some women feel rejected when their SOs can’t climax during intercourse, so it can become a real issue even if the male isn’t upset. And, of course, if an objective is conception, that adds another dimension, though I would assume, artificial insemination is a possibility. The good news is that supposedly Serzone is much less likely to produce this side effect. And then there are the drugs that supposedly cause some people to come when they sneeze… Rich
Response:
Nick, I happen to be suicidal, since the age of 16. Now my body is not reacting to my desires, I know I am a manic. Angela – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>I’m very very depressed because I can’t have >>orgasms. I’m not on any medication. >>My libido seems to be dying at age 32. >>I want sex all the time. >>What to do? Any advice >>Angela >With respect, how does this relate to manic depression? Maybe there is a >group for sex therapy. >Nick >Sometimes folks, myself included, cannot have orgasms because they are >depressed, particularly in the early phase of depression that follows >a manic period. >I went through such a period last fall where my libido was gone. Then >I was put on Zoloft, my libido soared, but I could rarely have sex >long enough or intense enough to have an orgasm on that SSRI. >Then I switched to Wellbutrin. Bingo, libido up, orgasms up. >Doug
Thank you Doug for your input. Angela
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >I’m very very depressed because I can’t have > >orgasms. I’m not on any medication. > >My libido seems to be dying at age 32. > >I want sex all the time. > With respect, how does this relate to manic depression? Maybe there is a > group for sex therapy. >Sexual dysfunction can be very much an aspect of manic-depressive >illness, and a sometimes distressing aspect at that. Also, many of the >medications used to treat MD illness can cause sexual dysfunction in >themselves. I think the original post was arguably relevant to this >group.
Angela is saying that she is not on any medication so the sexual dysfunction can not be caused by any medication used to treat MD. She also says that she wants sex all the time. Thus, indicating that she may be suffering from a sexual addiction disorder. Hence, it stands to reason that this problem may not have anything to do with MD, and she would find more appropriate support in a sexual therapy NG. Bernie
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> >I’m very very depressed because I can’t have >> >orgasms. I’m not on any medication. >> >My libido seems to be dying at age 32. >> >I want sex all the time. >> With respect, how does this relate to manic depression? Maybe there is a >> group for sex therapy. >Sexual dysfunction can be very much an aspect of manic-depressive >illness, and a sometimes distressing aspect at that. Also, many of the >medications used to treat MD illness can cause sexual dysfunction in >themselves. I think the original post was arguably relevant to this >group. >Angela is saying that she is not on any medication so the sexual >dysfunction >can not be caused by any medication used to treat MD. She also says that >she wants sex all the time. Thus, indicating that she may be suffering >from a >sexual addiction disorder. Hence, it stands to reason that this problem >may >not have anything to do with MD, and she would find more appropriate >support in a sexual therapy NG. >Bernie
I did not make it clear that when I do have sex it makes me feel better, when I climax. When it is all over I go back to feeling miserible, very sad at times and crying can’t look in the mirror without feeling good about myself. My poor husband, I put him through so much shit, I would never hold it against him if he were to leave me. It’s been 15 yrs and he still beside me. I’m very lucky to have a husband that cares so much. But is is hard for me to live day to day. I also do areobic exrecise as a way to escape the negative feelings. I have suffered from anorexia from time to time. I’ll lose about 30lbs. at a time knowing that this will kill me, also makes me feel that I have accomplished something. I want to be happy but it just doesn’t happen. By having sex most of the time makes my husband happy and in return makes me feel I am needed. When I climax the Endophins do the job that a medication could mimick therefore I am in a state of well being for that period of time. It would be the equivalent of getting High, But I have not considered using illegal drugs. Then for the times I can’t achieve climax it makes me feel inadequate and I fall into the endless cycle. I should have written this in my original post but I was to upset at the moment and at a loss for words. Angela
Response:
I’m very very depressed because I can’t have orgasms. I’m not on any medication. My libido seems to be dying at age 32. I want sex all the time. What to do? Any advice Angela
Response:
>I’m very very depressed because I can’t have >orgasms. I’m not on any medication. >My libido seems to be dying at age 32. >I want sex all the time. >What to do? Any advice >Angela
With respect, how does this relate to manic depression? Maybe there is a group for sex therapy. Nick
Response:
>>I’m very very depressed because I can’t have >orgasms. I’m not on any medication. >My libido seems to be dying at age 32. >I want sex all the time. >What to do? Any advice >Angela >With respect, how does this relate to manic depression? Maybe there is a >group for sex therapy. >Nick
Sometimes folks, myself included, cannot have orgasms because they are depressed, particularly in the early phase of depression that follows a manic period. I went through such a period last fall where my libido was gone. Then I was put on Zoloft, my libido soared, but I could rarely have sex long enough or intense enough to have an orgasm on that SSRI. Then I switched to Wellbutrin. Bingo, libido up, orgasms up. Doug
Response:
> >I’m very very depressed because I can’t have >orgasms. I’m not on any medication. >My libido seems to be dying at age 32. >I want sex all the time. > With respect, how does this relate to manic depression? Maybe there is a > group for sex therapy.
Sexual dysfunction can be very much an aspect of manic-depressive illness, and a sometimes distressing aspect at that. Also, many of the medications used to treat MD illness can cause sexual dysfunction in themselves. I think the original post was arguably relevant to this group. Paul O. Bartlett, P.O. Box 857, Vienna, VA 22183-0857, USA Finger, keyserver, or WWW for PGP 2.6.2 public key Home Page: URL: http://www.access.digex.net/~pobart
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I’m very very depressed because I can’t have >orgasms. I’m not on any medication. >My libido seems to be dying at age 32. >I want sex all the time. >What to do? Any advice >Angela > Its probably that you can’t have orgasms because you are depressed. When >depression comes in the door sex usually goes out the window. > When the depression is treated the orgasms will likely return. > Jake
When I was depressed I also found it well nigh impossible to have an orgasm. On the other hand it was probably a chicken and egg situation. When I started having sex with a friend then this improved my self-esteem no end and very much helped my depression. Nick
Response:
>I’m very very depressed because I can’t have >orgasms. I’m not on any medication. >My libido seems to be dying at age 32. >I want sex all the time. >What to do? Any advice >Angela
Its probably that you can’t have orgasms because you are depressed. When depression comes in the door sex usually goes out the window. When the depression is treated the orgasms will likely return. Jake
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