Question:
I think I’m living in the last place on Earth that cracks the new year. I’ve been posting. Don’t know if I’m making sense, but I just couldn’t watch another Seinfield re-rerun times 2. I feel like crap, but you are all having fun and it is nice to be part of a group where no demands are made to speak. Monitoring is always allowed. Not much to my life, really. What it was once and what it is now is like a house and then a burned down house. Another year clipping by on the calendar means nothing to me. Heck 1999-2000 was spent on a psych unit. 1989-1990 was spent in Children’s. Way back when, my mom would be in her sequence gown (looked like a gorgeous movie star), my dad in his finest suit (looked like a mafia hit man). They’d hop into the old Ford for the New Year’s festivities. They always were going out. Sometimes I have these 8mm tapes running constantly through my head. Carrie
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I think I’m living in the last place on Earth that cracks the new year. > I’ve been posting. Don’t know if I’m making sense, but I just couldn’t > watch another Seinfield re-rerun times 2. > I feel like crap, but you are all having fun and it is nice to be part of a > group where no demands are made to speak. Monitoring is always allowed. > Not much to my life, really. What it was once and what it is now is like a > house and then a burned down house. Another year clipping by on the > calendar means nothing to me. Heck 1999-2000 was spent on a psych unit. > 1989-1990 was spent in Children’s. > Way back when, my mom would be in her sequence gown (looked like a gorgeous > movie star), my dad in his finest suit (looked like a mafia hit man). > They’d hop into the old Ford for the New Year’s festivities. They always > were going out. > Sometimes I have these 8mm tapes running constantly through my head.
screw all that!!! youre more than OK Carrie.. really! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Carrie
Response:
I know exactly how you feel Carrie. Taking one day at a time is hard enough when ya feeling awful, but then throw New Years Eve into it, and well….you know the rest. Do you live anywhere near one of the posters who like you so much so that someone could come over to your home and just help you get out of bed and clean for you and cook for you etc. just as a little gift to you. I wish I could do it for you, and then you could come over to my place and do it for me. THere’s nothing that feels better than someone who cares about you who is exactly in the same place you are. I just want to stay away from my friends when I feel this way and they are just going about their lives as always. They always tell me to get a grip and that they feel awful and have awful lives too, and they get up and do do do, and that I shouldn’t give in to myself. I just hate to hear that. Anyway, instead of saying Happy New Year, cause it doesn’t feel at all happy to me, I will just say, feel better and keep asking for help. Deb
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I know exactly how you feel Carrie. Taking one day at a time is hard > enough when ya feeling awful, but then throw New Years Eve into it, > and well….you know the rest. > Do you live anywhere near one of the posters who like you so much so > that someone could come over to your home and just help you get out of > bed and clean for you and cook for you etc. just as a little gift to > you. I wish I could do it for you, and then you could come over to > my place and do it for me. THere’s nothing that feels better than > someone who cares about you who is exactly in the same place you are. > I just want to stay away from my friends when I feel this way and they > are just going about their lives as always. They always tell me to > get a grip and that they feel awful and have awful lives too, and they > get up and do do do, and that I shouldn’t give in to myself. I just > hate to hear that. > Anyway, instead of saying Happy New Year, cause it doesn’t feel at all > happy to me, I will just say, feel better and keep asking for help. > Deb
I live on Vancouver Island. In about the middle of it. My parents live about 1-1/2 hours away, but my mother has nothing to do with me. Fortunately she will arrange to meet with my son on special occasions, etc. She has never been a support at all. Even in 1990, when my son had Leukemia and was dying, and I was suffering from major depression then also. (It always pours, huh?) She was just hurtful. She called all the amazing live saving efforts in ICU put into my child Theatrics and overdramatics and who was all the staging for. Imagine. Meanwhile as she is bitching and complaining about the *dramafest* going on to save my 2-1/2 year old child, my SO and I are deciding on what time to pull the life support on our brain dead child. As you can see, my SO has been told not to call her even if I’m terminal. Honestly, she could have moved to Newfoundland and it would not have been far enough. My friends are all gone now. They were all at my last place of work. The branch office closed down and the others took positions in Victoria, Vancouver, Edmonton, etc. I was left unemployed. The economic climate here is very, very poor. But, then, I’m in no state to work, really. I’m very competent at working and excel, but in this condition I’d look *like an incompetent idiot* and be dismissed, I’m sure. Sadly, I have no support system. This silly computer is it. And checking in what everyone is doing. Someone saying my name, nice. No one does really. When do we get better? When? When do I come back? Will I ever? I did last time and circumstances overall were horrifying. My pdoc (God help me) told me this will return. Over and over and over. Like should I just *shake & bake* now. I’m 44. I’m looking at probably one half or more of the life I have left to enjoy in this hell. My liver will have shriveled up like a poppy seed by then. Makes me want to slam her on an ECT table a few times. Sorry, I guess I just get happier when the two hands are on the 12. Carrie
Response:
Well Carrie, looks like we won’t be visiting each other to help each other out as I am on the other side of America, in Boston. I know things don’t just happen that easy, that we should just by chance live in the same town, or the one next. Life is so complicated when we are too depressed to declutter our homes. I have a husband and an adult son living with me who do not lift a hand, and I just don’t have the strength to do anything except cook meals cause I love to eat, but there’s no one to clean up after. My husband and I are only together because of a giant mistake I made fifteen years ago when I was divorced with 18 year old kids, and my alimony was about to stop, and I was frantic that I couldn’t hold down a job…..so this old friend came into my life, took advantage of my financial fears, lured me with his finances, and then proceeded to abuse me like nobody’s business and turn out to be the cheapest bastard that ever lived. I feel like it’s my punishment for using him for his money to live, that I have done this terrible thing to myself of gaining two hundred pounds, and totally giving up on life. My adult son is a sweetie, but got sick with schitzo three years ago, adn it is very hard for him to work part time at a deli. But as long as he takes all his meds, he does ok. Such a brilliant mind and funny, cute guy has to be so sick mentally. I swear life is so weary. I have just begun to try to stop blaming my sociopathic husband for all my problems, and so now he is free to stop abusing me. It is me that chose him or hooked him into my life and I am to blame not him. It’s so hard to fix yourself when there is no love in your life. I crave to be hugged and adored, and I feel like the monkey who dies from being neglected physically. Oh well, I just wanted to say that I hear you whenever you post and I am so glad to have met you and hope and pray that each of us on our own can find our ways. People say life is good. Just doesn’t seem to me that my ssri’s are working very well, but it’s probably just me that’s not working, not the meds. Hang tough!. Deb
Response:
> Well Carrie, looks like we won’t be visiting each other to help each > other out as I am on the other side of America, in Boston.
Boston, huh? I always thought you have nice accents in that part of America. You are still up late? Too bad we can visit. LOL. > I know things don’t just happen that easy, that we should just by > chance live in the same town, or the one next. Life is so complicated > when we are too depressed to declutter our homes. I have a husband > and an adult son living with me who do not lift a hand, and I just > don’t have the strength to do anything except cook meals cause I love > to eat, but there’s no one to clean up after. My husband and I are > only together because of a giant mistake I made fifteen years ago > when I was divorced with 18 year old kids, and my alimony was about to > stop, and I was frantic that I couldn’t hold down a job…..so this > old friend came into my life, took advantage of my financial fears, > lured me with his finances, and then proceeded to abuse me like > nobody’s business and turn out to be the cheapest bastard that ever > lived.
Right now, my SO is tearing up the kitchen. For the better of course. But, like you neither my SO or 17 YO son can cook. I have a problem with eating due to MAOIs I’m on and my liver has given me problems so most of the time I’m not wanting to eat. My diet is stupid yet simple. My SO and kid is normal and that takes time. A job! One day again. I’m not running. I too darn ill. I’m sorry to hear about the abuse ;-( > I feel like it’s my punishment for using him for his money to live, > that I have done this terrible thing to myself of gaining two hundred > pounds, and totally giving up on life. My adult son is a sweetie, but > got sick with schitzo three years ago, adn it is very hard for him to > work part time at a deli. But as long as he takes all his meds, he > does ok. Such a brilliant mind and funny, cute guy has to be so sick > mentally. I swear life is so weary.
No. I used to think I was being punished. Not for weight gain, but for just being who I was. I hated myself so much as a child, etc. My youngest brother is a Schizophrenic-declared mentally handicapped. He will never work. It is sad. He had a Welding Ticket and worked for the RailRoad 25 years ago, etc. and made good money, had a girlfriend. But, he could not take it. He was a super nice, hard working fellow. Yea, life is weary. What are you eating to catch those nasty pounds? You’ve had all the tests to make sure you are ok, huh? Thyroid, etc.? I hate this chubbette suit myself. But, oh lucky me, my recent meds (that are not working anyway and making me sick) has painfully clumped off about 30 pounds. Believe me – I’d have rather gone to WW and fought it off. This is awful. > I have just begun to try to stop blaming my sociopathic husband for > all my problems, and so now he is free to stop abusing me. It is me > that chose him or hooked him into my life and I am to blame not him. > It’s so hard to fix yourself when there is no love in your life. I > crave to be hugged and adored, and I feel like the monkey who dies > from being neglected physically. Oh well, I just wanted to say that I > hear you whenever you post and I am so glad to have met you and hope > and pray that each of us on our own can find our ways. People say > life is good. Just doesn’t seem to me that my ssri’s are working very > well, but it’s probably just me that’s not working, not the meds. > Hang tough!. Deb
Feeling unloved sucks! Deb. I know you just don’t have the strength to make giant steps right now. What SSRIs you on? Just curious? I was hugged and adored once, put on a pedestal and just treated like a princess by a man who just thought I was a *princess*. I always felt pretty and important to someone. But, it was the 70s, and I was the wrong colour, or he was the wrong colour according to others. Life goes on. Talk to you later Carrie
Response:
glad to be able to post with you as I mostly don’t sleep at nite anymore…..combination of psychological and biological. I go to sleep fine around ten or eleven or twelve, and then sleep fine for between one to three hours, and then I am unable to go back to sleep until next morning. A real pain and disrupts my days and enhances my depression, I just know it. I was on prozac for ten years, and last year went into mental hospital adn they got me off and put me on paxil and welbutrin. It helps me to not over react in my anger and sadness, but it’s not doing that well lately. I am going to speak to my pdoc about it. A woman surrounded by a man who does not love her emotionally and sexually really puts that woman in a hormonal rage, in my own experience. THank goodness for my pups, they get so much hugs and stroking from me. More than they care for sometimes, but I adore them so much. I started gaining all the weight from the prozac, and lost some when I changed meds, but this year has been specifically stressful for me so I put it back on plus some. Must must must stop eating the wrong foods cause at my age, it’s not a matter of fact situatuion anymore. I do eat from stress tho. I don’t get out much and that is a big prob for me. I must make myself go to WW this week. I like hearing from you so please take care of yourself. I know we can get back to our selves again, I just know it. One day at a time is too long for me…..I need one hour at a time. Getting sleeping……Deb
Response:
Carrie, please try and get a referral to a spcialty medical center. Where are you? Port Alberni? Nanaimo? Smaller centers like that just don’t have the facilities. Your doctors have given up on you, and that’s nothing less than malpractice. > Right now, my SO is tearing up the kitchen. For the better of course. But, > like you neither my SO or 17 YO son can cook
High time they learned, IMHO. Anybody can fry an egg. And when they get sick of fried eggs, they’ll move on o scrambled (or vice versa). And on it goes. > I was hugged and adored once, put on a pedestal and just treated like a > princess by a man who just thought I was a *princess*. I always felt pretty > and important to someone. But, it was the 70s, and I was the wrong colour, > or he was the wrong colour according to others. Life goes on. > Talk to you later > Carrie
Carrie, I’ve had this nagging feeling all along, and now you raise the issue of race. You’re native, yes? Fucking racial fucking prejudice should not get in the fucking way of medical care. Fuck! That’s why this locum think you’re an alcoholic? argghhhh! Keep talking to us, Carrie. We’ve got to find something that works for you. Hugz, Lar
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Carrie, please try and get a referral to a spcialty medical center. Where > are you? Port Alberni? Nanaimo? Smaller centers like that just don’t have > the facilities. Your doctors have given up on you, and that’s nothing less > than malpractice. > Right now, my SO is tearing up the kitchen. For the better of course. > But, > like you neither my SO or 17 YO son can cook > High time they learned, IMHO. Anybody can fry an egg. And when they get sick > of fried eggs, they’ll move on o scrambled (or vice versa). And on it goes. > I was hugged and adored once, put on a pedestal and just treated like a > princess by a man who just thought I was a *princess*. I always felt > pretty > and important to someone. But, it was the 70s, and I was the wrong > colour, > or he was the wrong colour according to others. Life goes on. > Talk to you later > Carrie > Carrie, I’ve had this nagging feeling all along, and now you raise the issue > of race. You’re native, yes? Fucking racial fucking prejudice should not get > in the fucking way of medical care. Fuck! > That’s why this locum think you’re an alcoholic? argghhhh! > Keep talking to us, Carrie. We’ve got to find something that works for you. > Hugz, > Lar
No, not Native. Native would be a good thing here. I’m plan and simple 2nd generation Italian+Welish. That 1st husband was a refugee from Uganda from Uganda. He has remarried and done well in his own religion, etc. Carrie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
> No, not Native. Native would be a good thing here. I’m plan and simple 2nd > generation Italian+Welish. That 1st husband was a refugee from Uganda from > Uganda. He has remarried and done well in his own religion, etc. > Carrie
OK. Sorry. I’ll shut up now. Lar
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> No, not Native. Native would be a good thing here. I’m plan and simple > 2nd > generation Italian+Welish. That 1st husband was a refugee from Uganda > from > Uganda. He has remarried and done well in his own religion, etc. > Carrie > OK. Sorry. I’ll shut up now. > Lar
Ok, don’t let me get into the fact my family did not cross the landbridge 30,000 years ago so we are entitled to dick. I don’t mind that I could never afford the priority healthcare, education and whatnot today – but have chosen not to in many cases. I don’t really give a cat’s ass that my family is not claming massive chunks of the province as our land to become rich and stop all logging and other forms of work for others. One day, I’m going back to northern Italy to claim my Rock in Udine and then over to Wales to pick up a chunk a coal and call it mine (play on words). I don’t even want to hear a rebuttle to this, I’ve heard it all. carrie
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > No, not Native. Native would be a good thing here. I’m plan and simple > 2nd > > generation Italian+Welish. That 1st husband was a refugee from Uganda > from > > Uganda. He has remarried and done well in his own religion, etc. > > Carrie > OK. Sorry. I’ll shut up now. > Lar > Ok, don’t let me get into the fact my family did not cross the landbridge > 30,000 years ago so we are entitled to dick. I don’t mind that I could > never afford the priority healthcare, education and whatnot today – but have > chosen not to in many cases. I don’t really give a cat’s ass that my family > is not claming massive chunks of the province as our land to become rich and > stop all logging and other forms of work for others. One day, I’m going > back to northern Italy to claim my Rock in Udine and then over to Wales to > pick up a chunk a coal and call it mine (play on words). > I don’t even want to hear a rebuttle to this, I’ve heard it all. > carrie
— a cat’s ass — cute – I’ve never heard that expression before; and your writing is very impressive, comes across as original. BTW I actually have a chunck of Vesuvius somewhere when my mother took me to Europe. She is very fond of Italy. Squiggles
Response:
(((((((((((((((Spacebar)))))))))))))))) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I know exactly how you feel Carrie. Taking one day at a time is hard > enough when ya feeling awful, but then throw New Years Eve into it, > and well….you know the rest. > Do you live anywhere near one of the posters who like you so much so > that someone could come over to your home and just help you get out of > bed and clean for you and cook for you etc. just as a little gift to > you. I wish I could do it for you, and then you could come over to > my place and do it for me. THere’s nothing that feels better than > someone who cares about you who is exactly in the same place you are. > I just want to stay away from my friends when I feel this way and they > are just going about their lives as always. They always tell me to > get a grip and that they feel awful and have awful lives too, and they > get up and do do do, and that I shouldn’t give in to myself. I just > hate to hear that. > Anyway, instead of saying Happy New Year, cause it doesn’t feel at all > happy to me, I will just say, feel better and keep asking for help. > Deb >I live on Vancouver Island. In about the middle of it. My parents live >about 1-1/2 hours away, but my mother has nothing to do with me. >Fortunately she will arrange to meet with my son on special occasions, etc. >She has never been a support at all. Even in 1990, when my son had Leukemia >and was dying, and I was suffering from major depression then also. (It >always pours, huh?) She was just hurtful. She called all the amazing live >saving efforts in ICU put into my child Theatrics and overdramatics and who >was all the staging for. Imagine. Meanwhile as she is bitching and >complaining about the *dramafest* going on to save my 2-1/2 year old child, >my SO and I are deciding on what time to pull the life support on our brain >dead child. As you can see, my SO has been told not to call her even if I’m >terminal. Honestly, she could have moved to Newfoundland and it would not >have been far enough. >My friends are all gone now. They were all at my last place of work. The >branch office closed down and the others took positions in Victoria, >Vancouver, Edmonton, etc. I was left unemployed. The economic climate here >is very, very poor. But, then, I’m in no state to work, really. I’m very >competent at working and excel, but in this condition I’d look *like an >incompetent idiot* and be dismissed, I’m sure. >Sadly, I have no support system. This silly computer is it. And checking >in what everyone is doing. Someone saying my name, nice. No one does >really. >When do we get better? When? When do I come back? Will I ever? I did >last time and circumstances overall were horrifying. >My pdoc (God help me) told me this will return. Over and over and over. >Like should I just *shake & bake* now. I’m 44. I’m looking at probably one >half or more of the life I have left to enjoy in this hell. My liver will >have shriveled up like a poppy seed by then. >Makes me want to slam her on an ECT table a few times. >Sorry, I guess I just get happier when the two hands are on the 12. >Carrie
Remove the **** from my address for email replies…. —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–== Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > > No, not Native. Native would be a good thing here. I’m plan and simple > > 2nd > > > generation Italian+Welish. That 1st husband was a refugee from Uganda > > from > > > Uganda. He has remarried and done well in his own religion, etc. > > > Carrie > > OK. Sorry. I’ll shut up now. > > Lar > Ok, don’t let me get into the fact my family did not cross the landbridge > 30,000 years ago so we are entitled to dick. I don’t mind that I could > never afford the priority healthcare, education and whatnot today – but have > chosen not to in many cases. I don’t really give a cat’s ass that my family > is not claming massive chunks of the province as our land to become rich and > stop all logging and other forms of work for others. One day, I’m going > back to northern Italy to claim my Rock in Udine and then over to Wales to > pick up a chunk a coal and call it mine (play on words). > I don’t even want to hear a rebuttle to this, I’ve heard it all. > carrie > — a cat’s ass — > cute – I’ve never heard that expression before; and > your writing is very impressive, comes across as > original. BTW I actually have a chunck of Vesuvius > somewhere when my mother took me to Europe. She is > very fond of Italy. > Squiggles
Sorry, original as in *keep it to myself*. I have to much to say about the issue and should shut-up. Vesuvius, huh? Better you make your land claim on a parcel of the moon, huh? Well, Mars might be a better bet. Carrie
Response:
Crappy New Year!
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> (((((((((((((((Spacebar)))))))))))))))) >> I know exactly how you feel Carrie. Taking one day at a time is hard >> enough when ya feeling awful, but then throw New Years Eve into it, >> and well….you know the rest. >> Do you live anywhere near one of the posters who like you so much so >> that someone could come over to your home and just help you get out of >> bed and clean for you and cook for you etc. just as a little gift to >> you. I wish I could do it for you, and then you could come over to >> my place and do it for me. THere’s nothing that feels better than >> someone who cares about you who is exactly in the same place you are. >> I just want to stay away from my friends when I feel this way and they >> are just going about their lives as always. They always tell me to >> get a grip and that they feel awful and have awful lives too, and they >> get up and do do do, and that I shouldn’t give in to myself. I just >> hate to hear that. >> Anyway, instead of saying Happy New Year, cause it doesn’t feel at all >> happy to me, I will just say, feel better and keep asking for help. >> Deb >I live on Vancouver Island. In about the middle of it. My parents live >about 1-1/2 hours away, but my mother has nothing to do with me. >Fortunately she will arrange to meet with my son on special occasions, etc. >She has never been a support at all. Even in 1990, when my son had Leukemia >and was dying, and I was suffering from major depression then also. (It >always pours, huh?) She was just hurtful. She called all the amazing live >saving efforts in ICU put into my child Theatrics and overdramatics and who >was all the staging for. Imagine. Meanwhile as she is bitching and >complaining about the *dramafest* going on to save my 2-1/2 year old child, >my SO and I are deciding on what time to pull the life support on our brain >dead child. As you can see, my SO has been told not to call her even if I’m >terminal. Honestly, she could have moved to Newfoundland and it would not >have been far enough. >My friends are all gone now. They were all at my last place of work. The >branch office closed down and the others took positions in Victoria, >Vancouver, Edmonton, etc. I was left unemployed. The economic climate here >is very, very poor. But, then, I’m in no state to work, really. I’m very >competent at working and excel, but in this condition I’d look *like an >incompetent idiot* and be dismissed, I’m sure. >Sadly, I have no support system. This silly computer is it. And checking >in what everyone is doing. Someone saying my name, nice. No one does >really. >When do we get better? When? When do I come back? Will I ever? I did >last time and circumstances overall were horrifying. >My pdoc (God help me) told me this will return. Over and over and over. >Like should I just *shake & bake* now. I’m 44. I’m looking at probably one >half or more of the life I have left to enjoy in this hell. My liver will >have shriveled up like a poppy seed by then. >Makes me want to slam her on an ECT table a few times. >Sorry, I guess I just get happier when the two hands are on the 12. >Carrie > Remove the **** from my address for email replies…. > —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– > http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! > —–== Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > > > No, not Native. Native would be a good thing here. I’m plan and > simple > > > 2nd > > > > generation Italian+Welish. That 1st husband was a refugee from > Uganda > > > from > > > > Uganda. He has remarried and done well in his own religion, etc. > > > > Carrie > > > OK. Sorry. I’ll shut up now. > > > Lar > > Ok, don’t let me get into the fact my family did not cross the > landbridge > > 30,000 years ago so we are entitled to dick. I don’t mind that I could > > never afford the priority healthcare, education and whatnot today – but > have > > chosen not to in many cases. I don’t really give a cat’s ass that my > family > > is not claming massive chunks of the province as our land to become rich > and > > stop all logging and other forms of work for others. One day, I’m going > > back to northern Italy to claim my Rock in Udine and then over to Wales > to > > pick up a chunk a coal and call it mine (play on words). > > I don’t even want to hear a rebuttle to this, I’ve heard it all. > > carrie > — a cat’s ass — > cute – I’ve never heard that expression before; and > your writing is very impressive, comes across as > original. BTW I actually have a chunck of Vesuvius > somewhere when my mother took me to Europe. She is > very fond of Italy. > Squiggles > Sorry, original as in *keep it to myself*. I have to much to say about the > issue and should shut-up. Vesuvius, huh? Better you make your land claim > on a parcel of the moon, huh? Well, Mars might be a better bet. > Carrie
Happy New Year Carrie, from here to Jupiter. Squiggles
Comments